Conversations are part of the human interaction, but the dynamics suddenly change when you’re talking to the opposite sex for the first time.
Starting a conversation with a girl face to face is daunting and downright intimidating for most men. That leaves them with a long list of lost chances and regrets, wondering what could have been.
That doesn’t have to be your story any longer. Here we’re going to show you some tips on how to start a conversation with a girl face to face.
Check yourself first
Bin that pick-up line that you had in mind. The key to a fruitful conversation with a girl is being genuine and authentic. You’re not in a rom-com where she will automatically roll her eyes and still engage you after being so cheesy. If anything, you’re likely to be told to buzz off, and not in the politest of terms.
Sure, women are complex to understand, but one thing they do appreciate it when a man is honest with his approach. As you read on, you won’t come across any scripts we have prepared. You have to author the way the conversations by being true to yourself.
Besides, anything else apart from being you is weird, and the girl you want to talk to will pick up on that pretty fast and shoo you off.
Walk up to her
Yes, this is quite obvious, but to talk to her, you will need to approach her. That’s how this works. However, you are not to walk to her any manner of way.
You might end up scaring her as she might feel you’re encroaching on her personal space. In the wake of the Me Too movement, women are even more hypersensitive to the realities they live in. You then don’t want to appear like a predator.
Therefore, before walking up to her, first ensure that you’ve made eye contact. If she looks away the first time, give it some time and then look her way again.
After making eye contact the second time, give a small smile, and then start walking up to her. However, before you start making your way, ensure that she’s looking at you or has at least returned the smile.
If she frowns and looks away, reroute, and go back to your table. It’s a sure sign she’s not interested. You want to pick up on these cues early on because you don’t want to embarrass yourself or cause yourself unnecessary stress.
You also want to come across as respectful in case you see the girl again, and you want to talk to her still. This time, she might be more open, seeing as you respected her wishes to be left alone the first time.
Mind her personal space
As you approach her, think about where you’re going to place yourself. Are you going to sit or stand? Look around for where you can be a comfortable distance from her.
You don’t want her to feel cornered by a stranger. A good rule of thumb is to leave enough space to be audible, but still far enough that it’s clear you’re respecting her space.
You also want to be facing her when talking to her. It shows that you’re interested in her and are looking to start a conversation. In the event you’re in a noisy place, be sure first to ask if you can move closer to her because you can’t hear her well.
That signals to her that you’re respectful of her, and she’ll be more than willing to have you move closer.
Now, when saying hi, you want to appear confident, not corky. No matter how pretty she is, remain calm, and keep your tone friendly. That way, you’ll come across as sure of yourself, and that is something women like.
As you’re greeting her, do give a smile; again, keep it friendly. You don’t want her feeling like she’s dealing with a creepy guy. After saying hello, it is helpful if you declare what brought you there.
Again, no pick-up lines here. Just be honest. You likely thought the girl was beautiful and wanted to talk to her so that you don’t regret it the next day. Say that.
The wording varies, but genuinely let her know what brought you over to say hello. It helps set the tone for how the rest of the conversation will go.
Strike up a conversation
By now, you’re sure if you should make a walk of shame back to your table or if she’s willing to chat with you. Again, you have to notice her cues and what she is saying. There are many ways a woman can tell she’s not interested.
If she’s looking at her phone, looking around, or is overly concerned with what is in her drink, then that’s a sign for you to make a graceful exit. Say you didn’t mean to be a bother, wish her a lovely evening, and walk away.
But you’re not here for that. You’ve done things just right, and she’s now looking at you, waiting for you to say more. What do you say next?
The safest thing to talk about is the venue you’re at. Ask if she likes the music, what she thinks about the place, and even how often she goes there. That will get you talking for a good while as you plan for what next.
Once you’ve exhausted that, turn the conversation to be about her. Ask her how she’s doing and how she’s been. Here you’ll have to activate your active listening skills.
Nod where appropriate, use words to affirm that you’re attentive, and ask follow-up questions. Keep her talking about her week, what she’s been up to, what her best part of it all is, and what she’s hoping for.
Otherwise, you can stick with conversation starters. Those include what they do during their free time, cool places they’ve been, something they’ve read or watched recently that loved, what’s the worse boss she’s had, etc.
You get to know the girl better with regards to her interest, allowing you to know where to navigate the conversation to next.
So far, we’ve talked about how to get her talking about herself and her life. However, remember that you’re having a conversation; you’re not merely listening to a monologue.
Show engagement by interjecting where you can. Do you have things in common? If she mentions something, you can relate with, smoothly talk about yourself or the experience of the same.
As she’s talking, you may find things you have in common. Play off that to keep the conversation going on between you two. Even if you’re a nervous wreck, remain confident, and be yourself.
From there, the conversation will flow. If you do hit a bump, be honest about it. “I am such a nervous wreck right now, and I can’t believe I am talking to you right now.”
You might get a giggle or an ‘aw!’ but at least you’ve shown that you’re trying. From there, she’ll be willing to also move the conversation along when your brain chooses to stop cooperating.
Mind your body language
Throughout the conversation, keep your attention on the girl. Look at her face, keeping the gaze light. If you need to look away, glance at something neutral like her watch, bracelet, the table, the bar.
If you start looking around to other people, you’re signaling that you’ve lost interest. You also don’t want to stare at her face fully; it gets creepy after a while. No matter how attractive she is, keep your eyes on her face.
If she catches you staring at her chest, then she’ll mistake you for a flirt and merely looking for a one night hit wonder. It means the world to a woman when you keep eye contact as it shows that you’re interested in her, and not necessarily how her body comes packaged.
Also, don’t look at your phone at any point, unless you’re showing her a meme that is relevant to your conversation. Using your phone as you talk also indicates that you’re not keen on what she wants to say.
You also want your body facing her as you speak, not the other way. These are the small things that affect how your conversation will go even without your knowledge.
You need to have a lot of inner dialogue if you’re typically a nervous wreck around girls. You’ll have to tell that side of you to keep calm as they might end up sabotaging your conversation with the girl you want to talk to.
Confidence is not about having it all together; it is also about putting on a show while the rest of your nerves catch up and align. Most of all, remember to be you. You want her to fall for the real you, not a character you created.